Babies

I like babies.
Other people’s babies.
Some of them at least.
There are plenty of babies I do not like as well. Well, maybe it is not the baby I dislike so much as it is the baby’s actions. I understand that the actions of a baby are not malicious, but it is hard not to take it personally when something pees on you.
Nearly one year ago, one of my close friends became a father. Since that day, I have stolen his child any time my biological clock begins to tick just a little too loud for my liking. It is the perfect situation. I take my friend’s offspring (I often refer to the baby in question as such) whenever the mood strikes me (and the baby is content), and I return the infant before any of the less fun stuff is required of me. My friend’s baby will turn a year old in seven days, and I am pleased to say that I have yet to change a diaper containing excrement. Sure, the baby has soiled itself in my presence, but I am smooth and pass the child off before anyone realizes what has occurred.

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3 Responses to “Babies”


  1. 1 ericascriven March 19, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    Haha I laughed while reading your post about stealing -er- borrowing your friends baby. I also love baboes while they are happy. I pass them off when things happen that I don’t want to deal with too. I’m sure Brad and Angelina would let you borrow one of theirs. They have like 10 kids right? They won’t miss one.

  2. 2 worldaccording2erin March 20, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    I am so happy someone else feels that supposed “clock” clicking, too.

    I have the exact same action for fighting the clock predicament. I take my brother’s children out for the day because I am such a “considerate” daughter-in-law. I deal with their meltdowns and classroom melodrama of “he stole my crayon”, and then return them to their rightful owners.

    I warn you that this comes with a price. When the children begging to talk, they want to spend more time with you, and then the feeling of bonding sets in. Just be weary of it because children are oh such garsh darn adorable beings…and my niece and nephew have both peed on me.

  3. 3 thekateshow2009 March 21, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    I’m not the biggest fan of ANY kind of children at all. Babies are ok, if they’re quiet and lay around and do nothing. Once children reach about 2 years of age, until about 14, I don’t like them. If I ever have children, I will enjoy them for a year or two, then teleport them 12 years later to when they can make good decisions.


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